i wish i could freeze in time your giggles as you hide your wide eyes and little hands as they clap in wild delight and i wish i could hear in my head forever your silent breaths, your curls rising and falling, as you sleep on my chest i wish i would never forget your walk all pitter patter your little hands around my arms your loud chitter chatter i wish i could save your smile when i sing your favourite song and remember it on sad days when these times are long gone i w y

i can feel time fleeting by

every time i touch your tender warm hands

i try and not think about it

but an image springs to my mind

your hand, in the warm earth, just bones in a few years

no blood running through those veins

and you gone

why must i think of death ever so often

like a spider obsessed with his web

i can feel the two of us living in a bubble

Waiting for it to burst

happiness must be short-lived after all

misery seems to be for eternity, as they warned

your laughter and your arms around me

and the picture of me alone in an unknown world

far away from you and everything we knew 

and you, lost and gone forever

and what we had just a memory of time, no longer ours

and bizarrely, things move as slow and as fast as time

the end nearer, like a glass on the edge...about to break

must death bring with it such mystery

and yet absolute certainty 

and what will i do without your body

that warm mass of flesh...that ever so loving, caressing form

something tells me death is going to be a cold place

 so every sunshine is littered with stray thoughts

and every time i look at you, with so much love

i can see beyond, into the terrifying uncertainty  

Moved into a new house
It stares at me
Quiet and vacant
Swallowing up slowly,
like a python to a rabbit
Inch by inch
Every thing that I felt
its a dull house..not morning not night
And I can't tell which is when
I sit here..listening to every noise, whisper, movement
Feet running water dripping storms on the way
Above and below me the world seems alive
But inside this vacant room everything comes to a standstill
The house watches me- a timid intruder
Guarding its solitude, like a mother to her child
Somewhere all of what I carried with me
The joys and sorrows and hopes and losses
They never went through the door
I entered without my soul
Like a thoughtless ghost
And stayed quiet in the night
Like a dead man on the vigil
For someone to be born
From the deafening echoes in this house
And wake me up
And fill up in some way..any way..
this quiet vacant room

guess m obsessed with endings!

One last time my love, I say
One last time this day
Hold me well and say sweet things
For tomorrow we shall fade
Your eyes and voice shall stay with me
As I walk through unknown ways
Your tenderness will linger on
Like the earliest morning rays
And when I tell them of joys and sorrows
Your name I shall not call
For you, I must keep just for me
You come before them all
And in that last sleep just before my night
Will you free me from the chains?
For in your arms I would be
One joyous last time again

for today

not that i am a big fan of this day..but in anycase here it is...

One last time my love, I say
One last time this day
Hold me well and say sweet things
For tomorrow we shall fade
Your eyes and voice shall stay with me
As I walk through these unknown ways
Your tenderness will linger on
Like the earliest morning rays
And when I tell them of joys and sorrows
Your name I shall not call
For you, I must keep just for me
You come before them all
And in that last sleep just before my night
Will you come once again?
For in your arms I would be
One joyous last time again

Of narrow and broad horizons...

Ambition and Success are two different games all together. Success and Happiness are two different games as well. That is what they say. Depresses me. For a not so gutsy individual who cannot think out of the box, there is a dilemma. Because no matter how conventionally ambitious and successful he is , there is no guarantee of happiness. Last week , while taking a walk down old Manali, i came across these bunch of firangs chanting the meant-to-make-you-feel-spiritual-songs , all stoned and very content. For a moment it was so romantic to picture oneself as a hippie. Doped, careless, oblivious and beyond the mundane. And then I suddenly realised that i needed to get into a restaurant because i was hungry and couldn't stand the heat. I had to withdraw money from the ATM to buy that cute Tibetan key chain. I had to call up home. And the hippie fantasy went into smoke - Romance is so short lived!
Michael Jackson died today. He joins the Elvis's and Brando's and the Monroes of the world in convincing us that often with glory, comes pain and loneliness. I have to join a high profile and well paying job in London next month. And as they say ,there shall be the coveted 'broadening my horizon of thinking'. Makes me wonder if there is a need at all to broaden one's horizon. Every level of every horizon should bring with its own set of miseries , confusions and hard decisions. And as we deal with each level the picture will only get more blurred.